On the treadmill

It's been strange lately. For about a year now, I have felt rather like I am on a treadmill set to my fastest comfortable pace. It was exhilarating at first, and I trusted that, as usual, as autumn drew to a close, things would quiet down, except for a small spurt of activity at the holidays, until spring came and brought the flurry of honeybee activity again.

But this year, things didn't slow down. We kept up at the same pace all through the winter, into the spring, and now as autumn approaches the flurry of activity continues.

Usually when I get this "on a treadmill and I just want to stop" feeling, it because something is going poorly.

That's not the case right now, though. Everything is going quite well -- life at work is as good as it was intolerable a year ago. Life at home is sweet. I am enjoying the garden, I am enjoying my friends, I am enjoying Team Smiffy a great deal! Jack is growing and getting more fun every day and Rod is back to his sparkly, sweet self! Money, while tight, is under control and we are on our way back to comfortable again. I couldn't ask for more.

I thought taking some vacation would help, so I took four day weekends for our birthdays. Those days were blissful, but they weer gone in a flash. I wasn't unhappy to go back to work -- I enjoy my job these days. But I also didn't feel as though the treadmill had stopped. We have planned weeks where we had almost no activity, but although I have enjoyed them, the sense that I want to slow down and rest has continued.

So... I am perplexed by this sensation. All the usual answers haven't changed anything. I'm not falling down exhausted, though staying awake after 9pm is no longer possible. I would just like a day to go slowly -- to have time to really stop for a while to watch the bees in the sunflowers, to read a poem and really think about it, to create a couple of greeting cards and maybe scrapbook some photos, to play with Jack in a timeless place without a sense that time is getting away from me.

Maybe I am just getting older. Maybe time will just continue to flash past me for the next 40 years. Maybe it's a transit, and one day in a few months I will wake up bored with the stillness of my life and feel the need to stir things up. Who knows...

Updated 2 September to note that my doctor has reduced my thyroid hormone slightly and that seems to have been the problem. Rod noticed the pattern and suggested that I needed to up my thyroid -- I went back to my original dosage and wahoo! I feel almost myself again!!!!